Through letting go and Being in Nothingness

you know grieving, growing. seeing what was not there before within dynamics. The backbone of our idea of love. attachment. through scurrying to home lands, I feel warmth. yet with my cold heart. I visit all the crevices and creeks of my roots. and see where I judged before, yet in the swamps alone in this new home I see my truth. where family was always there, yet somewhere else, scattered in a sense; this tying into carl jungs idea of our family being a key component to our subconscious. And there more I let go and lean into nothingness almost, which settles into presence and then some doing followed by listening to my truth I am at last like a fallen feather on the ground with a thought. perhaps all my yearning and passion comes down to cultivating a close, connected and loving family. a true family, just this feeling, this yearning for closeness occured. and I will continue doing this yet the reciprocity of the ones that choose to is written in the stars in some way perhaps, or how I continue walking. I feel at ease caring, playing and being with children. Just today I had a moment with rabbis kids where I felt myself again. Just true focus, being on the same page and being willing and curious to follow through.. all in a jewish monoply freed my spirit. This moment felt just right and lovely, kids all around, games, torahs, popcorn, babys spit on my fingers. what a joy. and what a joy to witness my friends mind get inspired. You know I am trying in my own way and letting go of what and who I may have been holding onto as false hope in a sense. this is my life, unselfishly said yet maybe a tad. I can do what I really want in the frames. I wonder, yet I am content here.