learning my highs and lows

i would wish to remain in a flux of harmony, where these high hills that feel like a universal epiphany remain like waves yet doesnt set me close to the rippling tides shivering. I am filled with a moment and then the other- purely thought. Feeling eventually will arrive, yet my heart only has so much to allow not the mind to enter. Although during my journeys high in the valleys i stretch my heart to the stars where i am diluted and stained in the space around me, i do come down and drench my left shell in ancient tears and i do come back and feel the stillness engulfing. stillness occurs in movement as movement in stillness yet when one recieves no stimuli the attention falls inward. The downfall from my uproar in humanity. i do beleive in my will to change and embrace and hold, yet now- perhaps at the crisp of my blood droppings i feel i want to write my enchanted lonesome outwards. all i would love to do is consume chocolate and be in my own peace, without the pulls from the spirals dancing around. i am learning i ride the highs like a darling mother fucker on a Teahupo wave and bask in the beginnins again like a crab in a sand hole beside the high tides in early october. Am i losing one for the team, as i sacrif... as i breathe .. i pick myself up. impulse is my greatest strength and also the reason for this weight.